


that ache in the hollow of us

by vehlr



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Adamant Fix-it, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Chronic Illness, F/M, Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-16 01:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7246642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vehlr/pseuds/vehlr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“We’re a team, you and me. Always have been, ever since I saved your sorry ass from some pickpocket.”<br/>She laughs softly. “That is not how it happened.”<br/>“No,” he agrees, “but I’ll keep telling ‘em that.” He pulls away to regard her, reaching up to brush her hair from her face, smile kind. “The truth’s a precious thing. Our story belongs to us.”<br/>“Even the bad parts.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	that ache in the hollow of us

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tigereyes45](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigereyes45/gifts).



It has taken months, but Varric finally feels a fleeting glimmer of hope as they approach the rift in the Wastes. He had invested nearly every waking second of his time since the horror of Adamant on trying to find a way back to her, to bring her home. He had paid nearly every Fade expert for their information, read just about every book Skyhold had on the subject. In the end, he had given the Inquisitor his plan, and the ultimatum - _I am doing this with or without you._

Thankfully, the Inquisitor had been all for it, and a small team had travelled forth.

“Remember,” warns the Inquisitor, “we still don't know for certain that this will work.”

“I know.”

“And what we might find on the other side -”

“I know.” Varric swallows. “And I know I don’t have a lot of time, and I know she might not even be there, or she might be… look, I _know._ But I have to _try._ ”

“You will find her,” says Cassandra confidently. “You will, Varric.”

Dorian dismounts first. “Well, I for one am optimistic. Shall we begin?”

*

The Fade is as cold and green as he remembers it. Varric hates every inch of it. But his chest tightens at the sight of a lone figure in the distance.

“We will hold it as long as we can,” murmurs the Inquisitor. “Go to her.”

She sits surrounded by rocks and grass, sparks crackling around her. Varric wonders where she thinks of, in this place of infinite memories.

“Hawke.”

His voice cracks. He hates it, hates that even now when she needs him to be a font of strength he is showing weakness. But something in it must call out to her, for she looks up at him, her expression pained.

“Hawke, _please_.”

“Varric?”

“Come home,” he pleads. “Just - just come home with me. Take my hand.”

“This is home now -”

“No it isn't. Home is - shit, home is me and you and ale that's too warm. Home’s you telling me off for another outlandish story, and me convincing you that the fiction is better because the truth hurt too much.” He swallows. “Home’s sitting on a cramped bed with your head in my lap and a quiet song in the dark.”

“Varric -”

“Home’s _us_ , Hawke.” Everything is blurry, between the tears and the Fade smoke. “Home’s us, and I want - I want to go home, and I _need_ -”

Dorian’s curses are vitriolic in their expulsion. “Varric! We can't hold it much longer!”

“You've got a minute!” yells the Inquisitor.

“Hawke -”

“You're crying, Varric.” Her voice is almost awed. “Don't - don't cry.”

“I'm not leaving you alone again. If you're staying, then so am I.”

“You _can't_. You're a -”

“I'm the idiot who _loves_ you,” he shouts, “and I can't keep going out there without you!”

The demons howl and wail around them, but Varric cannot hear anything beyond Hawke’s breathing. And then she takes his hand, skin warm and solid and real, and he wraps her up in his arms, burying his face in her hair.

“I love you,” he whispers, “I love you, don't _ever_ leave me alone again -”

*

“It didn't happen like that.”

Varric looks up, his smile warm. “You have no sense of romance,” he teases. “This version’s a lot more heart wrenching. Seeker’ll have kittens when she reads it.”

She snorts. “As I recall it, I could barely _talk_ , I was so dehydrated. And you had your arm in a sling and Cassandra was practically overrun by demons, and you definitely _didn't_ cry -”

“ _Hawke_.”

“- and you didn't tell me you loved me until we were out.” She smiles fondly. “When we were alone in that healing tent and you took my hand because you thought I was asleep.”

“You were _supposed_ to be asleep.” He sounds rueful, but his smile widens. “Glad you weren't.”

“Me too. Your kisses were _very_ therapeutic.” She rests a hand on his shoulder, stooping to press a kiss to his brow. “You're writing it, then?”

“Figured it was about time.”

“Just as we're leaving and nobody can easily get us to clarify any of your glaring omissions, you mean.”

He chuckles, a wondrous sound that has only improved with age. “You get me perfectly, sweetheart.” Leaning back from the desk, he reaches to claim her hand, pressing his lips to her knuckles. “You're beautiful. Have I told you that today?”

“Not yet.” She runs her thumb over his cheek, smiling. “Flatterer.”

“You wound me.”

“I would never.”

He hums. “I know.”

“Aveline came to the house today. She asked me about the future, about our plans.”

“Did she now.” He does not seem surprised.

She smiles. “You haven't told them why we're really leaving.”

He does not meet her eyes. “Not my place, sweetheart. Besides, they shouldn't _need_ telling.”

“Not everyone is as observant as you, Varric.”

“Maybe they should be.”

“Are you angry?”

He hesitates for a moment, before letting out a long sigh. It sounds like a lifetime of hurt. “No,” he says finally. “No, I'm just tired. World’s taken enough from you, Hawke. It's time you took something for yourself.”

*

Varric has lived in Kirkwall for most of his long and lucky life. But when Hawke begins to flag, the years and experiences chipping away at her, he had been the first to suggest leaving.

“You always said you wanted to go back,” he had pointed out. “And I don't mind. Ferelden’s not so bad, actually.”

She had been surprised, but the thought had rolled around for a few weeks until eventually she had suggested a few places.

Telling Aveline and Bran that he is stepping down as Viscount is the hardest part.

“The city needs -”

“You can't just -”

“My name,” he says loudly, “is Viscount Tethras, and I can do whatever the hell I want.”

Aveline’s jaw sets. Bran looks mildly impressed.

Varric relaxes. “It’s time,” he says, quieter now. “I’ve done all I can. I need to focus my efforts on something else now.”

“On what?” asks Aveline, eyes narrowing.

“Living,” he murmurs. “A life of peace, finally, for her sake.” He does not need to say who - Aveline nods curtly, accepting this answer for now.

Bran is not so convinced. “But who -”

“Will replace me? I’ve a few suggestions - your son, for one.” He grins at Bran’s shock. “Andrew’s a fine young man, and he’s passionate about this city. He takes after you. Can’t think of anyone better suited, seeing as I know you’d turn me down.”

“Varric, are you certain?”

The dwarf smiles up at him. “Bran, draw up the paperwork. Viscount Andrew Cavin has a good ring to it, don’t you think?”

*

Aveline, despite her earlier questions, does not press further.

The party she throws is something else entirely.

“A Hendyr special,” laughs Hawke, as Donnic welcomes the pair to their home. “How are the little ones?”

“Happy to have the extended family around. The twins missed you.”

Varric grins as a pair of beaming faces peer around the legs of the woman. “Here’s trouble.”

“Merrill and Carver are here,” adds Aveline, “and Isabela should be here later. Sebastian sent a few bottles of Starkhaven Pale -”

Varric snorts.

“- and Fenris regrets he couldn’t make it, of course.”

Varric grabs a seat, content to watch events for now as his partner scoops up one of the twins and laughs.

“You’ll be missed,” Aveline says, handing him a mug.

“We’ll miss you all. But it’s time.”

“I know. She’s not getting any better here.”

Varric nods. “Knew you’d notice.”

“I should have seen it sooner.”

“You have three children and a whole family of guardsmen. You can’t see everything, Aveline.”

“The hell I can’t.”

Merrill sits next to him, giggling as Carver and his sister start an animated conversation that was clearly not going as the Warden intended.

“They are funny, aren't they?”

Varric grins. “Dangerous when the Hawkes are together. We'd better keep an eye out.”

The elf laughs. “I suppose we better had, especially with Fionn taking after him.”

The small boy, as if summoned by the very mention of his name, hurtles through the room and straight into the legs of his adoptive father. Carver sighs dramatically, but Varric can see only love in his eyes when he hoists the boy high in the air to a chorus of cheers.

“How's he settling in?”

“Better.” Merrill smiles. “He understands us better now. Knows he's safe with us.”

“That's good.”

“He talks as much as you do, you know. Doesn't make sense yet, but he's just like his Uncle Vark.”

Varric laughs, shaking his head. “He'll have some stories to tell, I'm sure.”

“How is she, Varric? Really, I mean.”

Varric nods. “Yeah. She's, ah… she's doing okay, but it's getting harder. That's why we're going. Somewhere quieter, so she can draw on the calm energy.”

She nods. “Kirkwall is still dangerous for mages,” she murmurs. “The Fade is damaged here. It's not good for healing, despite all your good work as Viscount.”

“Yeah.” He runs a hand through his hair. “You think it’s gonna be enough, but…”

“You did a wonderful job. This city is alive because of you. And so is she.” Merrill takes his hand in hers, smiling kindly. “I think it's wonderful,” she says softly, “that you have each other. That she has you, and that you got her back.”

He nods again, managing a smile at that. “It's something, isn't it?”

“It's _everything_.”

He leans into her, smiling. “Gonna miss you, Daisy.”

“Oh, you won’t be so far away. We’ll come visit, when you’re settled. I promise.”

“You’d better.”

*

She finds him, when the revelers are gone, in the office that he was getting ready to say goodbye to.

“Hey.”

He pulls her into his lap, pressing a kiss to her neck. “Mm, hello. How are you feeling?”

“Good. I feel really good.” She sighs, resting in the crook of his body, her head perched on his. “I love them all, they have such a wonderful energy when they come together.”

“It’s love, sweetheart. Their love for you.”

“I know.” She sighs again. “I’ll miss them.”

“We’ll see them again. Ferelden’s not so far away, just ask Daisy.”

“Are you sure -”

“Yes.”

“But -”

“Hawke.”

She smiles. “Alright.” Her lips trail over the grey hairs at his temple. “I love you. I love that you would do this for me.”

“For us,” he corrects. “We’re a team, you and me. Always have been, ever since I saved your sorry ass from some pickpocket.”

She laughs softly. “That is not how it happened.”

“No,” he agrees, “but I’ll keep telling ‘em that.” He pulls away to regard her, reaching up to brush her hair from her face, smile kind. “The truth’s a precious thing. Our story belongs to us.”

“Even the bad parts.”

“Even those.” He leans up, kissing her tenderly. “And now we get to start a new part, together.”

“Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow.” He smiles. “After Bran’s finished crying.”

“Poor man. How will he cope?” “Oh, I’m sure his kid’ll keep him on his toes.”

“Varric?”

“Yes, Hawke?”

“I’m glad you came back for me.”

Varric smiles, pulling her close. “Me too,” he murmurs. “Me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> tigereyes45: I hope you enjoy the melding of two ideas - it felt like a progression to me, this grand gesture of coming back for her leading to their long relationship, and then the start of a new chapter for both of them. Thank you for such a great challenge!


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